Cosmo Kramer Goes Berserk!

Recently, our quirky friend Michael Richards a.k.a. Cosmo Kramer from the sitcom 'Seinfeld' let his outrage rage out while doing stand up comedy. As this video shows, 'Kramer' loses it as someone in the audience heckles him, he then goes on to use racial epithets unapologetically through out his rant as the audience slowly begins to leave the show. Later, 'Kramer' appears on 'The Late Night Show with David Letterman' and apologizes for his behavior on stage. Now folks, it's only human to lose it every once in a while, so why not look at this man's face and ask ourselves the question 'Is this the face of a man I can stay mad at?'. He may not be 'Stand Up Comedy' funny but he's definitely 'Whoa man, this guy's flipping out!' funny.

STOP wasting your time!

Jobs are for pussies and communists! And both these types of people either suck donkey dick or stomp on babies, and at times I'm sure they do both at the same time. Anyway, recently our good friend staticnothing (doug) brought my attention to an awesome blog/article blog, I think everyone should read this and spread it around a bit. Live the Life and be Free!

Interview process

Started my interviews today. The first one didn't go bad, but they seemed to stress trying to make sure I fit for the job and the job fits for me. In this case they (ATS) want me to go around to buildings fixing the control systems for their fans/ac/heating. I'd get a van for it, but not sure where I'd even put it. Are there other options? I'll probably get ahold of the job placement people and see what else they might have on the back burner, per se.


I guess there's always Pizza Hut

Don't order the Sicialin. Please god no.

So I'm working at pizza hut now as a manager trannie to pay the damn bills that have been piling up of late. Im looking for better jobs right now, but it isn't as easy as you would think. At least this irritatily gives me a less abstract reason to get a real job that pays more than 8 bucks an hour. I'm hoping ot have another job by the time the month is out. Now begins a carpet bombing campaign of Dresden-esk proportions to get that mythical occupation.

The song I just wrote as the words satans second cousin just popped into my head. Typo's intentional by the way. As is the contridition in the first two words of that last sentence.

Verse(1)
Satan's second cousin, now there was a standup guy,
Ran around small towns here about, unpinning his broken fly.
He scared the sodden womenfolk with his mighty girth;
it was a rolling, rocking pleasent time when he ran around the earth.

Chorus
Ohh, satan's second cousin, goddamn I miss him so,
He could whip his tail so far and fast he would lose you in the undertow.
Ohh, satans second cousin, he had hooves of cloven gold,
he would look you straight in the open eye and gobble up yea soul.
Ohh, Satan's second cousin, he could tell a mighty lie,
He could spit a loog in your mouth and tell you it was key-lime pie.


Verse(2)
I followed him from topeka kansas-land,to ancourage-alaska ace,
from alberta canada fairyland to Albert Schweitzer place.
I ran far and fast and stumbled down more than once or twice,
falling to one knee,
Damned if that bastard man didnt pee down on me.

Chorus

Verse(3)
He never met a woman he never screwed, with a corkscrew or a mike
He never melted a man he didnt like,
Although he once told a toddler to get off his bike then stole it from
the tike


Verse(4)
Fucking asshole demon man, he had me at jello,
I found a fallen angel man who couldn't turn down a show
He saw it all, horns a twain aglow
I really wish I haden't cut his throat over that pound of blow.


Copyright 2006 Sam Sch.

Needle in the hay ; The barn burns brighter than day ; frank will be missed

At the prompting of that which is noise in the void, I am going to post my proud little puppy of a truck up here. I grabbed it from a strange man with a large dog in the little town/hamlet of woodenvillie, a land I recommend to all of you militia enthusiasts. The above pic is a kind shot in good lighting that I, as a profesional photographalater, am very proud of. Notice the tint the filter I placed over my brand new Nikun 65ILS. The hobo that sold me the camera told me to always use it when I want to really bring out the color of clear. I bought the truck for the market value. The largest and most glaring defect is a leak in the exhaust manifold, which I've found can apparently be repaired by a large wad of chewing gum or, and this according to Bob, my camera salesman/automotorgomachiner, golpher semen. Strange, but true. And this is the end. this is the end, my friend. Da Da Dah....

A complex notepad system

I writing this becasue I have a few misc. story ideas bouncing around in my head and I hate writing this shit down in 8.5/11 in paper, which is all I have availble at the moment. It just struck me that posting this employes a technology at 2000 years younger than the previous one shunned. What spoiled little bitches we are.Without further ado, here comes the random
-a Johny Potseed, with sandals that drop seads as they wear out

-A baby mosh pit,

-Neo-luddites trying/succedding in bringing back carrier pigeions as a viable communication system in a major city

-coins/chips(micro or fish and) left on the eyes of the dead for the boatman

--Wifi hubs tethered on weather balloons(tie into pigeons'?)

-The space elavator

As for the life and all, I'm looking for work with moderate fervor. My resumes up on monster and I expected people to be knocking down the door. Poor little optomistic me. I'm on the edge of broke, at the point of considering asking my quasi-estranged dad for a loan. Not a place I want to be. It has been suprising hard to find something, but I haven't went to the extreme of the job placent agencies yet, which I will probally get to this week. I upgraded the monitor array again, so now im at 22in and 21 in, not factoring the 32in tv acros the room. Im very pleased. Set about cleaning my apartment for the in-a-month-or-two-move. Sadly, it is very entertaining. I think I am that straved for meaningful work. And that as they say is that.

The wonder. The joy. The Craigslist.

Craigslist. A World of care free miscreants coming together to share the junk and the bounty of the world with each other. Two days ago I was rocking a dual monitor 15in and 17in system. Today, with the wild love of the craig, I hereby rock a 19in and 20in setup, free of charge. Joy O joy O joy. Along with the monitors I have seen an uprigt piano, an organ, a couple of jacuzzi's and all the free dirt one could ever desire. Mad props' go out to Dougy and the Izz-meister for the conveyances. Very rad. O mighty craigslist, a packrat's dream come true.

PRS-500 will be the next iPod (I hope.)

The PRS-500 is going to be released pretty soon. I've been looking forward to this for over a year now, ever since I heard about it. Being the kind of guys who have bookshelves in our room full of old volumes that we might reread some day so we keep them around, I imagine this as a way to completely get rid of them. Think about before the iPod, before CDs even, remember when if you wanted to have more than 20 or 30 albums you had a big shelf full of records? (Well, I suppose no one really remembers that because it was appx 5,000 years ago.) Either way, when Sony's new Portable Reader System comes out it'll let anyone carry around all the books they want with them and read them on the go. You might say that ever since palms came out people have been able to do this, but I disagree. A palm pilot is designed for all sorts of crazyness, so its battery won't last very long if you're just reading a book (and of course reading a good book takes hours and hours).

This is where the new excellence is going to come in, using a technology that only makes use of the battery when the page is being turned, it allows you to load a page and leave it on there while you read it (or even leave it on there while you walk away and come back in a few hours). That means that you can turn "7,500 pages" with one battery charge. (The pixels are actually tiny beads that flip between their black or white sides when you load a page.) Either way, I think it's pretty genius. And when you combine this with Project Gutenberg putting out thousands of books in text format after they're copyrights have run out, you can legally read books for the rest of your life without having to pay a cent.

It's supposed to be available "late summer 2006" and it's price will be anywhere from $150 to $350. I couldn't find a real answer to that one. Look at the pics, give it a drool.

My fucking cousin wants to offer you a remarkable business optometrist

All you have to do is join a little pyramid scheme called quixtar. Also known as Amway. This cunt rag son of bitch calls me up a few weeks ago and I blow it off as irrelevance. I'm not exactly close to my extended family. They are basicly people I know that I'm vaguely related to. So I'm not really looking to hang out or anything. Well, I get a new message today so I say fuck it, and call him back I'm talking to this guy I haven't seen in about 2 years and he tells me he has an internet business opputunity with a steady income. I ask what it is. He tells me he cant explain it over the phone and tells me there is a meeting up in Everett I'm invited to.I laugh it off, as I consider my Everett moratorium to still be in effect. So I ask him for a name to look it up and he tells me. and here I am. Two very informative websites later, thinking of hoping a bus to Everett just so I can beat this guys head in for preying on the weak family alliance I have to help him get out of the shit hole he dug for himself. And this guys a Mormon to boot. Nice Jesus action all around.

There is some pretty big nonsense going on in this country when the Senate comes one vote away from passing an amendment to the constitution to ban flag "desecration" (which means, as we all know, flag burning.) After "fighting" for freedom the past six years (as they like to say, at least) it's pretty annoying that it has all proven to be worthless. I was happy to see Feingold (Wisconsin's Democratic Senator) step up and tell everyone there are better things to be debating right now then this. I hope he runs for President in '08. You know he'll get my vote. Here's the story on Reuter's website: Link

We're considering making some "veteran's for flag burning" t-shirts, or possibly just making some flag cigarettes to burn on the 4th of July. Maybe we'll go straight to the source and do some flag burning of our own. Who wants to get a group flag burning photo up?

The Death of Treo

In case you were wondering about the cryptic nonsense, Israel apparently broke his phone by jumping drunkenly into a pool. Luckily someone was on hand to take a snapshot. Look how happy he looks! He won't be so pleased when he sobers up and realizes how absurd it all was... Poor Treo, you will be missed...

Flamin' Hot Cheetos?!!?!

The latest and greatest craze these days, apparently, are these flamin' hot Cheetos. Who knew, really? Here is the original source of this information... definitely worth a read is this article from NPR. But the Grand Marshall is this sound bite from NPR, its just hilarious. Rosco dug it up himself, but knowing him he won't post nothin'.




The theory behind this nonsense is that the spicy-ness is so X-treme that it sends you into a drug-like haze, especially if you're younger and your body more... I don't know... fragile? Or stupid? Can a body be stupid?




Even the artsy goth kids are getting into the act, posting about it in their precious "pity me and look at my artsy pictures" myspace blogs.




But the real victims in this tragedy, of course, are the poor inner-city kids. Who's going to tell them about the scourge of the Cheetos? They know not what they do, and we need to get out some pamphlets or something.




Get on that.

Ode to my phone!

It was a glorious day,
the day I gazed upon you
I remember taking you into the palm of my hand,
as a father would his child
(maybe not really his palm but you get the point)

Your screen was lit with joy,
My eyes inert with love,
my fingers frolicking across your keyboard
like a hippo on a riverbed
(hippo's frolic, I've seen it)

But days grew darker and darker,
and the skies churned louder and louder,
and lightning struck closer each day
as we made our way across the land

Then came that dreadful day,
the skies were glutted with darkness
as if the bowels of hell had whelmed
from where they belonged.

Then in the blink of an eye,
a blinding flame split the skies
and struck us down into a pool of forgetfullness;
surely this abyss you would not survive.
(This really did happen.)

As I came to I faced the sky,
it was a ghostly pale blue
with whispers of heavenly trees
which had no color, only peace.

Time wasn't long till I turned my head,
and peace turned to terror as I realized,
that next to myself there lay someone dead,
an empty shell of a once dear friend.

Treo come back!

Fuckin' A

I'm reading this anthony bourdane book roscoe lent me and all his talk of swashbucking god-men cooks has got me all revved up about all of the horrible navy shit I , and of course, ya'll went though. I'm here alone at 4am, takling to myself about all the bullshit that happened in those horrible years. This visious, violent monolougue is running in head. Now, I'm wired and pissed. I got shit to do today and now I know I'm not going to be sleeping at all because of this repressed self hate from those years bubbling up. I just want to go outside and shake random people, scream at them for being alive. I want to break my fist agaisnt these shitty apartment walls. Shitty, soul crushing hate machine navy. Fuckin' A.FTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTN

An update long in coming...

I haven't posted about my life in a while so I thought it would be a good idea to do so. Let us start with the basics. I'm using linux at the moment, largly becasue I caused windows to shit itself while, guess what, playing with linux. There isnt anyway to get windows back without dropping a benny on the software, as they didnt include a windows cd with the system i bought. Cheap ass bastards. If anyone wants to send me a copy of windows, let me know. My IM at the moment is bilkybadass on aol and fenix527 on yahoo.

Anyway, besides the hellish learning curve with this piece of shit, I have applied ot the art institute of seattle's cooking program. It looks like Ill be going this summer,starting july 11th for about a year at a rough cost of 15,000. I'd be happy to go though and tell any of ya'll what this has involved, but as I'm not completely done yet it will be something of a crap shoot. I look foward to learning how to cook, but I doubt I'll pursue it as job path. I'm more interested in looking into moleculaur gastrony, which is a food science based on desinging food conbo's on molecualr compisiton vice old school wisdom. WHite choclate and pinecones work well together apparently. Anyone wanna get some white choclate and lysol and let me know?ANyhow,I think learning to cook will also be a useful skill to have, so Im basiclly at the fuck it, I'll go stage in my education. I'm thinking I'll do this shit for a while, and then head onto the UofW for a looksy into there cybernetics or distributing computing program. or something. We'll see in a year or so.

I have succeded in my desire to stay unemployed for the past year, and am so far only in about 2 grand of debt, half of which is due to the navy. Fuckers. THe time has come however where after I get my school hours straight I'll likely get a part time job somewhere. Any Ideas or tips from you guys who are actually employed would be cool. And Matt, I heard about you ghetting dogged by gammon. I'm more than willing to help you find him and cut out his throat. With a wooden spoon, preferably. Fucker still owes my 15 bucks and a cartoon of smokes 5 years later. Time to collect, one way or another.

I'm still looking to write some short speculative ficiton, as my previous post shows. I dont have anymore offerings right now but I got some shit brewing in the back of my mind. I want to write something about neo-luddites bring pigeons back as an email replacement somehow. Or just about the madness of the group in trying. Maybe Ill blow that story up in the previous post. Blah.

I have nothing else at the moment, so Im outty 5000.

P.S. Somebody call Spink and add him to this thing. I think he's worthy.

Update: I've found some copies of windows on the pirate bay, so i'm going to give that a shot. A shot in the dark to be sure.

A short, short story

This is a short short story I wrote today for absoulutly no reason. I wrote it in 2nd person for some reason. I still don't know why. Scotty and I dumpstered a working Snes a week ago and Ive been playing super mario world non-stop.Updates about my life and times will come sortly. For now, here is the story:

This, my friends, is the story of how one mans madness changed the world as we knew it.

His name was Walter Stone and he was an oddball. As a youth his obsession with Super Mario World was of such magnitude that he was committed for a sort time to Bellvue mental hospital to help curb his urge to play. As he sat in group with his friend's Napoleon and Mr. Lincoln, he would ponder the wonder that was Mario. The most tenacious of plumbers, stranded in a psychotropic world of mushrooms and turtles, dinosaurs and fire flowers... a man among men. A man of little words and overwhelming action. Sitting there in group, Walter came to a conclusion. He would dedicate his life to bringing Mario's world into his own.

Bellvue was easy. Just a little white lie here and there and he was free. Walter devoted himself to the study of chemistry and genetics, shunning all other pursuits. His parents were overjoyed at his sudden interest in school, thinking he was finally on the right track. Little did they know how right they were.

The years past with relative calm. A few minor wars and a few minor presidents. Walter , now Dr Stone, waged his battle forward, making ever so small strides in the right direction. He worked a non-eventful job at Phizer, hoarding the little money he had to spend on his true interests in his garage lab. This lab was the only outright example of his madness. The walls were printed with massive blowups of Mario's head, ala Warhol's Campbell soup can. The tabletops were littered with life size paper-mache sculptures of princess bell and that often neglected brother of Mario , Luigi. These totems only helped to further his obsessive drive. He developed a Shitakie mushroom triggered a genetic irregularity in mice which caused them to grow hideously large. Sadly, the giganticness also caused a mad rage and a dramatically shortened life span. Walter had no choice but to suspend that line of research. That battle lost, he moved on. Fire flowers were out of the question, as all of the concoctions he mixed simply killed the mice he applied them to. Oddly, his most promising line of research was also the most distasteful to him. That of the balloon power up, that most disappointing offering.

It was a late night in the garage. The windows were pattering with a violent rain. Stone was dissecting one of his mushroom failures when he came open an interesting abnormality with the mouse's stomach. The stomach was unusually mailable, capable of being stretched fifteen times more than the normal level. It was also amazingly strong, which Walter discovered by stretching out the stomach on a nearby trash can and drumming out the Mario bros intro song. His mad twittering was the first echo of his genius to sound out into the world he changed so completely.

Walter spend the next 7 years isolating his method of giganticness to extend only to the stomach. Upon achieving a success rate of ninety-nine percent he took the final pivotal step. He injected himself. His body was overcome with a violent madness, the overwhelming taste of blue filling his mouth. He collapsed to the floor, twitching with the best of them. Fourteen hours later, he awoke with a ravenous hunger. Shaking uncontrollable, he stumbled into his kitchen. Nuking a breakfast burrito he ate with out reserve. It was to no avail. The hunger was immense. Dispensing with cooking, he ate the entire package of frozen burritos. Sated for the moment, he sat down on his couch for a refreshing thousandth run though Forest Illusions number one. Thats when it happened. His stomach distended, giving him a grotesque appearance. And then, and then, he started to float. To float! To float! Grasping his way to the door via chairs and the hat rack, he opened the door and went soaring into the wide open world, laughing uproariously all he while.

And that my friends, is how Dr. Walter Stone killed the car and saved the world from the that beast of all beast, petroleum. Now if you will excuse me gentleman, I have to go get a burrito from that truck over there. I have a dental appointment I don't want to miss.

Copyright 2006 Sam Sch.

Today is my final day "in." This is my last view of the ship as I left it in Japan two weeks ago. The 3 hour drive to pick up my paperwork is going to be worth it to finally say that I'm done. It definitely leaves me with a sense of new beginnings. I have to try to think of the reasons I joined and ask myself if it was worth it. Questions like that are doomed to lead to regret, which I always try to avoid. Instead I'm going to be glad that, unlike so many people, I've made it all the way through to the bitter end. At least I can say I stuck with it, right? I saw quite a few things and I learned even more things (not all of them good...). But in the end I believe not much has really changed from 6 years ago. I guess only time will tell.



I'll be staying in Seattle and trying to sort out as much as I can. I'm working on a lot of things at once: finding an apartment, writing a resume, writing a book, trying to put together a short still, etc. I've got plenty to fall back on, and I hope that everyone keep in touch via browne towne at least.

Chirp..."Where you at!"

This is what brownetowne's been up to since re-organization in THE REAL WORLD! Well, this and the Beer Olympics...we're thinking of adding DDR to the Beer Olympics? Check this out for opinions.

Dance-oo video on youTube

Yea-Haa!

Gasoline has just passed $3.00 dollars/gallon. Yip-yip! I'm so excited I just bludgeond my dick open with a meat press. By the way Izzy, yo car is still teh rox3r. Why you had a raw fish rotting in the back is beyond me though. Don't worry, I took care of it. I fried it up with extra virgin olive oil and went to town. Cheesy.

Pandora's Box......of Kittie Porn?

What the fuck do you do with a box full of kittie porn? Fuck it, it's for sale, who wants it?

Out To Sea... Out To Lunch

Well, we're out again, on the Pacific Ocean. It's not very hard work this time out, but it's definitely a departure from the good times in Seattle. This is my last time here, and I'll be flown off at some point in the last half. Still trying to figure out if I'll be staying in Washington or not. I'll at least be there for a few weeks, the way things are going.

Here's where I'll be sitting for the next few months, on the good old CVN-72.



I'll definitely not be in college for the fall, but possibly I will for the spring term or next year. If that fails, I can always get a job. First of all I'll be able to fall back on that same unemployment that people have been enjoying for a while.
Well, that's the update from here.

Toxic H =Tasty

I likey I likey

In other news, Im thinking about trying to write some short speculative fiction stories. My current ideas include musical insturments as weapons focusing on circuit bending, the infamous brown note as a preliminary finding and evolution into crowd control and cybernetic ear implants to conteract the effects. The story is dated somewhere nearby in time 2020-50. I'm looking for weird instrument ideas. Also trying to do something with the possibilities of harnessing plant photsynthesis directly for energy production and the possibility of ad space engineered into plant life. The two stories dont have to interact, but a novel way to do so would be entertaining.

P.s. The above are copyrighted by me as of now, bitches.

Boris Artzybasheff

Here are some pics of this amazing artist boing boing was talking about a couple of days ago. He's very much dead, hanging out with the Big E if there is any justice in the universe

I could be fucking

I got one for ya all: a website with some cool ass toys and models at deep discount.Here's a shot of a simpsons lava lamp: http://www.entertainmentearth.com/hitlist.asp?theme=Simpsons

Celebrity sighting!

I just had the mixed pleasure of seeing Greg bear, a noted sci-fi writer, in the local Half priced boks. Ive read a couple of his books and found them swaying between gripping and lackluster. Still, closest Ive come to a limited Celebrity in my days. This is one for the diary. *Hearts*

Fucking communists.

All of the below, and ref's still cant call a game. Fucking robbing the shit out of the seahawks. Nuetralized a seahawk touchdown and then ok'ed a bullshit steelers one? you gotta be kidding me. What a crock of shit the calling has been in this game. Even Maddon and that other guy are blown away by this bullshit. Im not drunk enough to be this pissed. Going to get going on that right now. And yea, The above has nothing to do with anything, but its still pissing me off.

P.S. Fuckers 21/10 steelers.

Sam's right, updates need to happen. Here are some recent things that have been doing down, for the sake of "the record."
1) The ship has cancelled all terminal leave while we're on deployment. Doesn't it seem like while you're 9000 miles from home that's the time you need terminal leave the most? How are we expected to fly back and immediatly have jobs/homes lined up after being gone for more than 5 months? Blech, the Navy is no good.
2)Colleges have as much if not more red tape than the military I've been trying to call people and do applications for various places, but all of them seem pretty disinterested. I mean, I thought they were businesses too? Good luck Sam on getting your chef-fery going. You'd have better luck buying a book and some supplies. Just have to find a way to make the Nav pay for it
3)Izzy had surgery I know he won't update it himself, but not Izzy has gotten the same lasik i had and we're both enjoying the benefits. Except his include codine right now...
4)Pre-deployment enjoyment We're all drinking and everything getting ready to go out. We won't all be there, but at least we can all party now, right?

Wolverines!

Job or no job, you bastards set the drink down and put out a general update on this damn thing. Im running out of unemployment and looking into going to a local chef'ery college, to sate my long held dream of doing blow off of the marinated haunchs of a lamb in a walkin freezer. Get to posting you bastards.

No Walker pics today. Damn cease and desist letter

Bush plays a game

Funny shit if you remember the old text based games. Think Zork. Nerd up, yo.

http://www.defectiveyeti.com/archives/001561.html

Get this Thang!

Best god damned game I've played in a long time. Fallout 2. Free for the download to the crafty and Illict among us.

Ride the Snake!

Fuck ya! Chuck Norris is the hero! All others are reduced to zero! Delta force willl kill your horse!! Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris Ho! http://www.boingboing.net/2006/01/10/chuck_norris_respond.html

P.S.Read the top 30. I shat myself some

Here's a taste
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

A New Year, A New Hope

We've entered 2006, and I believe this is going to be the year of changes. The rest of browne towne is going to be making the transition from military to normal life. Sam might make the transition from unemployment to being a productive member of society. The great diaspora will come to it's fulfillment. It's going to be quite an experience, but I'm sure only good things will come of it all. Just some thoughts. Don't let browne towne die. Keep posting and keep in touch.