My fucking cousin wants to offer you a remarkable business optometrist

All you have to do is join a little pyramid scheme called quixtar. Also known as Amway. This cunt rag son of bitch calls me up a few weeks ago and I blow it off as irrelevance. I'm not exactly close to my extended family. They are basicly people I know that I'm vaguely related to. So I'm not really looking to hang out or anything. Well, I get a new message today so I say fuck it, and call him back I'm talking to this guy I haven't seen in about 2 years and he tells me he has an internet business opputunity with a steady income. I ask what it is. He tells me he cant explain it over the phone and tells me there is a meeting up in Everett I'm invited to.I laugh it off, as I consider my Everett moratorium to still be in effect. So I ask him for a name to look it up and he tells me. and here I am. Two very informative websites later, thinking of hoping a bus to Everett just so I can beat this guys head in for preying on the weak family alliance I have to help him get out of the shit hole he dug for himself. And this guys a Mormon to boot. Nice Jesus action all around.

There is some pretty big nonsense going on in this country when the Senate comes one vote away from passing an amendment to the constitution to ban flag "desecration" (which means, as we all know, flag burning.) After "fighting" for freedom the past six years (as they like to say, at least) it's pretty annoying that it has all proven to be worthless. I was happy to see Feingold (Wisconsin's Democratic Senator) step up and tell everyone there are better things to be debating right now then this. I hope he runs for President in '08. You know he'll get my vote. Here's the story on Reuter's website: Link

We're considering making some "veteran's for flag burning" t-shirts, or possibly just making some flag cigarettes to burn on the 4th of July. Maybe we'll go straight to the source and do some flag burning of our own. Who wants to get a group flag burning photo up?

The Death of Treo

In case you were wondering about the cryptic nonsense, Israel apparently broke his phone by jumping drunkenly into a pool. Luckily someone was on hand to take a snapshot. Look how happy he looks! He won't be so pleased when he sobers up and realizes how absurd it all was... Poor Treo, you will be missed...

Flamin' Hot Cheetos?!!?!

The latest and greatest craze these days, apparently, are these flamin' hot Cheetos. Who knew, really? Here is the original source of this information... definitely worth a read is this article from NPR. But the Grand Marshall is this sound bite from NPR, its just hilarious. Rosco dug it up himself, but knowing him he won't post nothin'.




The theory behind this nonsense is that the spicy-ness is so X-treme that it sends you into a drug-like haze, especially if you're younger and your body more... I don't know... fragile? Or stupid? Can a body be stupid?




Even the artsy goth kids are getting into the act, posting about it in their precious "pity me and look at my artsy pictures" myspace blogs.




But the real victims in this tragedy, of course, are the poor inner-city kids. Who's going to tell them about the scourge of the Cheetos? They know not what they do, and we need to get out some pamphlets or something.




Get on that.

Ode to my phone!

It was a glorious day,
the day I gazed upon you
I remember taking you into the palm of my hand,
as a father would his child
(maybe not really his palm but you get the point)

Your screen was lit with joy,
My eyes inert with love,
my fingers frolicking across your keyboard
like a hippo on a riverbed
(hippo's frolic, I've seen it)

But days grew darker and darker,
and the skies churned louder and louder,
and lightning struck closer each day
as we made our way across the land

Then came that dreadful day,
the skies were glutted with darkness
as if the bowels of hell had whelmed
from where they belonged.

Then in the blink of an eye,
a blinding flame split the skies
and struck us down into a pool of forgetfullness;
surely this abyss you would not survive.
(This really did happen.)

As I came to I faced the sky,
it was a ghostly pale blue
with whispers of heavenly trees
which had no color, only peace.

Time wasn't long till I turned my head,
and peace turned to terror as I realized,
that next to myself there lay someone dead,
an empty shell of a once dear friend.

Treo come back!

Fuckin' A

I'm reading this anthony bourdane book roscoe lent me and all his talk of swashbucking god-men cooks has got me all revved up about all of the horrible navy shit I , and of course, ya'll went though. I'm here alone at 4am, takling to myself about all the bullshit that happened in those horrible years. This visious, violent monolougue is running in head. Now, I'm wired and pissed. I got shit to do today and now I know I'm not going to be sleeping at all because of this repressed self hate from those years bubbling up. I just want to go outside and shake random people, scream at them for being alive. I want to break my fist agaisnt these shitty apartment walls. Shitty, soul crushing hate machine navy. Fuckin' A.FTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTNFTN

An update long in coming...

I haven't posted about my life in a while so I thought it would be a good idea to do so. Let us start with the basics. I'm using linux at the moment, largly becasue I caused windows to shit itself while, guess what, playing with linux. There isnt anyway to get windows back without dropping a benny on the software, as they didnt include a windows cd with the system i bought. Cheap ass bastards. If anyone wants to send me a copy of windows, let me know. My IM at the moment is bilkybadass on aol and fenix527 on yahoo.

Anyway, besides the hellish learning curve with this piece of shit, I have applied ot the art institute of seattle's cooking program. It looks like Ill be going this summer,starting july 11th for about a year at a rough cost of 15,000. I'd be happy to go though and tell any of ya'll what this has involved, but as I'm not completely done yet it will be something of a crap shoot. I look foward to learning how to cook, but I doubt I'll pursue it as job path. I'm more interested in looking into moleculaur gastrony, which is a food science based on desinging food conbo's on molecualr compisiton vice old school wisdom. WHite choclate and pinecones work well together apparently. Anyone wanna get some white choclate and lysol and let me know?ANyhow,I think learning to cook will also be a useful skill to have, so Im basiclly at the fuck it, I'll go stage in my education. I'm thinking I'll do this shit for a while, and then head onto the UofW for a looksy into there cybernetics or distributing computing program. or something. We'll see in a year or so.

I have succeded in my desire to stay unemployed for the past year, and am so far only in about 2 grand of debt, half of which is due to the navy. Fuckers. THe time has come however where after I get my school hours straight I'll likely get a part time job somewhere. Any Ideas or tips from you guys who are actually employed would be cool. And Matt, I heard about you ghetting dogged by gammon. I'm more than willing to help you find him and cut out his throat. With a wooden spoon, preferably. Fucker still owes my 15 bucks and a cartoon of smokes 5 years later. Time to collect, one way or another.

I'm still looking to write some short speculative ficiton, as my previous post shows. I dont have anymore offerings right now but I got some shit brewing in the back of my mind. I want to write something about neo-luddites bring pigeons back as an email replacement somehow. Or just about the madness of the group in trying. Maybe Ill blow that story up in the previous post. Blah.

I have nothing else at the moment, so Im outty 5000.

P.S. Somebody call Spink and add him to this thing. I think he's worthy.

Update: I've found some copies of windows on the pirate bay, so i'm going to give that a shot. A shot in the dark to be sure.

A short, short story

This is a short short story I wrote today for absoulutly no reason. I wrote it in 2nd person for some reason. I still don't know why. Scotty and I dumpstered a working Snes a week ago and Ive been playing super mario world non-stop.Updates about my life and times will come sortly. For now, here is the story:

This, my friends, is the story of how one mans madness changed the world as we knew it.

His name was Walter Stone and he was an oddball. As a youth his obsession with Super Mario World was of such magnitude that he was committed for a sort time to Bellvue mental hospital to help curb his urge to play. As he sat in group with his friend's Napoleon and Mr. Lincoln, he would ponder the wonder that was Mario. The most tenacious of plumbers, stranded in a psychotropic world of mushrooms and turtles, dinosaurs and fire flowers... a man among men. A man of little words and overwhelming action. Sitting there in group, Walter came to a conclusion. He would dedicate his life to bringing Mario's world into his own.

Bellvue was easy. Just a little white lie here and there and he was free. Walter devoted himself to the study of chemistry and genetics, shunning all other pursuits. His parents were overjoyed at his sudden interest in school, thinking he was finally on the right track. Little did they know how right they were.

The years past with relative calm. A few minor wars and a few minor presidents. Walter , now Dr Stone, waged his battle forward, making ever so small strides in the right direction. He worked a non-eventful job at Phizer, hoarding the little money he had to spend on his true interests in his garage lab. This lab was the only outright example of his madness. The walls were printed with massive blowups of Mario's head, ala Warhol's Campbell soup can. The tabletops were littered with life size paper-mache sculptures of princess bell and that often neglected brother of Mario , Luigi. These totems only helped to further his obsessive drive. He developed a Shitakie mushroom triggered a genetic irregularity in mice which caused them to grow hideously large. Sadly, the giganticness also caused a mad rage and a dramatically shortened life span. Walter had no choice but to suspend that line of research. That battle lost, he moved on. Fire flowers were out of the question, as all of the concoctions he mixed simply killed the mice he applied them to. Oddly, his most promising line of research was also the most distasteful to him. That of the balloon power up, that most disappointing offering.

It was a late night in the garage. The windows were pattering with a violent rain. Stone was dissecting one of his mushroom failures when he came open an interesting abnormality with the mouse's stomach. The stomach was unusually mailable, capable of being stretched fifteen times more than the normal level. It was also amazingly strong, which Walter discovered by stretching out the stomach on a nearby trash can and drumming out the Mario bros intro song. His mad twittering was the first echo of his genius to sound out into the world he changed so completely.

Walter spend the next 7 years isolating his method of giganticness to extend only to the stomach. Upon achieving a success rate of ninety-nine percent he took the final pivotal step. He injected himself. His body was overcome with a violent madness, the overwhelming taste of blue filling his mouth. He collapsed to the floor, twitching with the best of them. Fourteen hours later, he awoke with a ravenous hunger. Shaking uncontrollable, he stumbled into his kitchen. Nuking a breakfast burrito he ate with out reserve. It was to no avail. The hunger was immense. Dispensing with cooking, he ate the entire package of frozen burritos. Sated for the moment, he sat down on his couch for a refreshing thousandth run though Forest Illusions number one. Thats when it happened. His stomach distended, giving him a grotesque appearance. And then, and then, he started to float. To float! To float! Grasping his way to the door via chairs and the hat rack, he opened the door and went soaring into the wide open world, laughing uproariously all he while.

And that my friends, is how Dr. Walter Stone killed the car and saved the world from the that beast of all beast, petroleum. Now if you will excuse me gentleman, I have to go get a burrito from that truck over there. I have a dental appointment I don't want to miss.

Copyright 2006 Sam Sch.

Today is my final day "in." This is my last view of the ship as I left it in Japan two weeks ago. The 3 hour drive to pick up my paperwork is going to be worth it to finally say that I'm done. It definitely leaves me with a sense of new beginnings. I have to try to think of the reasons I joined and ask myself if it was worth it. Questions like that are doomed to lead to regret, which I always try to avoid. Instead I'm going to be glad that, unlike so many people, I've made it all the way through to the bitter end. At least I can say I stuck with it, right? I saw quite a few things and I learned even more things (not all of them good...). But in the end I believe not much has really changed from 6 years ago. I guess only time will tell.



I'll be staying in Seattle and trying to sort out as much as I can. I'm working on a lot of things at once: finding an apartment, writing a resume, writing a book, trying to put together a short still, etc. I've got plenty to fall back on, and I hope that everyone keep in touch via browne towne at least.

Chirp..."Where you at!"

This is what brownetowne's been up to since re-organization in THE REAL WORLD! Well, this and the Beer Olympics...we're thinking of adding DDR to the Beer Olympics? Check this out for opinions.

Dance-oo video on youTube